


OMM!

by Miraphina Atherton (mew_tsubaki)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders' Era, cameos from a few others, not rly underage but you know, utter nonsense but it's always made readers laugh so why not share here too?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 00:47:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16821787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mew_tsubaki/pseuds/Miraphina%20Atherton
Summary: A day with the girls takes its toll on the boys.





	OMM!

**Author's Note:**

> The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not to me. Read, review, and enjoy!

"Hmm, truth or dare?" Narcissa purred.

Her sister, Bellatrix, waved her off. "What a stupid ultimatum—dare, of course."

"I dare you to…switch out Rodolphus' hair color."

"Sounds good to me. I always thought he and Rabby shoulda been redheads."

"I dunno—Rod and Rab have really nice black hair," Alecto stated, tugging at her own plain, blond tresses.

"A lot nicer than Sirius', even," Andromeda quipped.

Bellatrix howled at the name and booted her middle sister out of the room. "Fuck, that one will end up just like that wanker."

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Yaxley groaned, leaning back on the floor as the girls continued to do nothing in the sitting room.

"Like learn a better Crucio," Lucius snickered at Bellatrix from the other side of Narcissa.

She sneered at him and turned to her sister. "I dare you—"

"Hey! I get the option of truth!"

"Not if you want me to go all femslash Blackcest on you, because some people like that. I dare you to knot Yaxley's hair with Lucius'. That should set them straight."

Off to the side, Evan and Avery laughed at Lucius, who looked quite affronted, and Yaxley.

"Don't you touch my hair, bitch!" Lucius shrieked at Narcissa. "I don't want my perfect hair anywhere near his gross head."

"Come off it, you twat," Yaxley murmured, looking as though he was about to die from boredom.

" _Petrificus Totalus_!" Alecto said, and both boys froze.

Narcissa shrugged. "Might as well. After all, when in Rome…" She stood and got between them, undoing Yaxley's long plait and then twining their hair together. "Hey, this is kinda fun!"

The others laughed once Narcissa had finished, and she eyed her handiwork.

"I'll Crucio you myself!" Lucius hissed. But when he moved to get up and reach for his wand, he was restricted. Yaxley had already gotten up and was trying to go in the opposite direction.

"You prat, follow _me_."

"As if, Yaxley. You don't know a shit thing about leading."

"Go blow yourself, Malfoy. I've a better head on my shoulders."

Lucius snorted at that and cleared his throat, for once hiding his thoughts. Then he realized that the room sounded quiet. "Ah, fuck… Where'd the others go?"

"Didn't you hear Bellatrix say she was bored and then demand the others leave with her?" Yaxley scoffed and rolled his eyes—not that Lucius could see.

The other wizard groaned. "I do _not_ want to be stuck all day like this."

"Fine, I'll cut you loose."

"YOU'LL DO NO SUCH BLOODY THING!" Lucius then whimpered. "My poor hair…!"

Yaxley pulled a face. "Well, _I_ don't know any spells to undo what Narcissa did."

"I don't either, dammit." A pause. "Can you reach it?"

Yaxley grunted and reached over his shoulder. "Nah, can't. She plaited it pretty tightly."

Lucius sighed. "Well, at least we're the same height, so I won't break my neck—HEY!" he yelped, his face hot.

"I can feel she knotted the ribbon, too."

"No, you just felt my arse, you damned fairy."

Yaxley smirked. "Ye doth protest too much."

Lucius reached behind him, felt the ribbon, grimaced in despair, and pinched his fellow Dark wizard. "There. Now we're even."

"You fucking—" Yaxley reached and stroked between Lucius' legs. The reaction was automatic, and Yaxley once again smirked. "I think we found out the real fairy."

Lucius bit the inside of his cheek to keep from playing Yaxley's game—then he did the same to Yaxley. "HA! Takes one to know one." He shivered, a hand slipping beneath the waist of his pants. Lucius gasped.

"Hmm. Never wanked off another wizard before…"

"Neither have I."

"Sounds like an opportunity, doesn't it?" Yaxley rubbed his thumb against Lucius, feeling slightly excited himself.

"Oh, Merlin…"

"OH, MY MERLIN! THEY'RE REALLY GOING AT IT!" they heard Alecto screech.

They pulled apart as best they could, considering their hair was still plaited. "Fuck…!" Lucius hissed under his breath.

Bellatrix and the others returned, Bellatrix cackling the whole time. "I honestly thought Lucius would've hexed you first, Yaxley."

As the gang of teens settled back in the living room of the Black sisters' home, Alecto was nice enough to undo what Narcissa had done, and Lucius and Yaxley sat rigidly, not partaking in any more of the fun-and-games. Lucius had his arms crossed in front of his chest, and Yaxley's face was as red as Rodolphus' hair when the Lestrange brother came barging into the room to shout at Bellatrix. "We're never going to speak of this again," Lucius spat.

"Mm-hmm," Yaxley mumbled, stiffly nodding.

"I wasn't reacting to you, it was my body."

Several minutes of silence passed. "So does that mean there's no round two?"

Lucius pursed his lips. "I'd prefer no audience…"

**Author's Note:**

> XDDDD *ROFL* B] I was trying not to take myself seriously for once…and this weirdness, parody-like thing popped out. Funny—I was in a car with a blown tire when I wrote this. I guess the boys wished they'd blown each other…! XDDD And yes, "OMM" means "Oh, my Merlin." ;D Ah, inspired by the excellence of Epic One's funny fics and Morghen's Regvolsan fic. Check 'em out. ;3
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please review!
> 
> -mew-tsubaki ;3
> 
> 2017 note: Holy shit. 6yrs later, and I did not recall how awkward yet funny this nonsense was. XDDD All I know is that this fic rly did make some people laugh, so I had hoped in rereading it that there'd be little to edit/rewrite, and there was, tho some parts makes me cringe just a tad. But…wow. I just. Wow. There are some times when I question my sense of humor… XD


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